DISCLAIMER: this might not be a topic relevant nor interesting to many, but I’d like to document my birthing experience here before I become one of those people who tells people “I don’t remember the pain anymore.” whilst there is SOME truth into it, I don’t think I was able to find enough experiences online when I was actively googling, but it could be because I am not that great of a googler.

so here goes..

BIRTHING PHILOSOPHY
whilst in my second trimester, I was faced with the question which I never knew I had to answer to: “what kind of birth would you like?” I always thought that the vast majority of people just go to the hospital when your water breaks and a very very very small minority would opt to have their births at home via a water birth, but boy I was wrong. the type of hospitals dictates the type of philosophies they follow and choosing one you are most comfortable with is important. there is no right or wrong, but some hospitals would have you next to your baby after birth (rare in Korea, common in the west), and some have strict rules regarding even visiting your baby for the first few days after birth. you are also given a long list of options like to go with epidural (painkiller) or not, to have your husband watching, certain medications, water birth, chair birth, and the list goes on.

KOREAN HOSPITALS + NATURAL BIRTHING CENTERS
in Korea, the trend; if I can call it a trend.. is to have your birth at a large hospital and c-sections are usually favoured. I always thought that c-sections are favoured because the doctors earns more with that in the shortest time but it seems that many moms prefer that option because they get to choose a good “time and date” for their delivery + the trauma from a painful vaginal birth may lead to them not wanting a second child. there is a saying here where vaginal births are called the “pre-payment” and c-section are called the “post-payment,” for obvious reasons. just like credit cards, most of us would prefer post-payment I suppose? the large university hospitals are usually preferred, where the benefits includes having specialists of every nature check on your child if needed and better aid of emergencies. but the downside is that they usually separate you from your child after birth and you would need to see your baby from the window, just like how it is in dramas – very standardized and a little militaristic if you ask me. I also heard horror stories from friends on how their sisters are constantly persuaded to go for c-section if the baby does not come out in a few hours, but me being stubborn for a vaginal delivery, I seeked for a hospital that advocates for “natural” delivery except the obgyn (a natural birthing center) I went to was so natural.. it didn’t even have full epidurals. all along thought that I would be having a vaginal birth with epidural (because.. why not?) and closer to my birth date is when I was reminded that the obgyn’s epidural isn’t a full epidural (only around 50%) but I had already committed to that obgyn and there was no turning back. *gulps.* or rather, my stubborn self also invested so much energy into the process that I just went ahead with it.

WHEN DO WOMEN ACTUALLY GIVE BIRTH
when you google “average of when women give birth” or something similar, it will give you a distribution of what looks like it peaks at the 38th week. I was prepared for a 38th week labour, not just because of the average you can find on google, but because my mom had both me and my older sibling at 38th week. in addition to that, my nurse kept telling me how because my baby was larger than average + he was very active, the chances of him coming out before due date was incredibly high. so I took my maternity leave 2 weeks before my actual due date. did I regret it? I did, but was it a bad idea? probably not. I remembered being big and tired, but incredibly bored at home without any work to do. at one point I was just dreading for my baby to be born, but another day passes and no contractions.

I was slowly counting the days down until D-1, and finally, I felt period cramps. those were the first signs.

THE MUCOUS PLUG
my doula (I had no idea what a doula was before, but to put things simply, a doula is not a nurse but a trained professional who supports you throughout your late pregnancy to birth, highly recommend getting one if possible especially for your first birth) had always told me that one of the first few signs that I MAY be going into labour is when the mucous plug falls out. [MISCONCEPTION 1] I somehow had the misconception that the mucous plug, like its name is a PLUG hence it would fall out as a clump. but no, my friends, it can fall out bit by bit, and when it falls out, you can be going into labour soon, in days or even weeks. I texted my doula right away and she told me to keep monitoring since it doesn’t mean I will give birth on that day itself and may take up to days.

WATER BREAKING
[MISCONCEPTION 2] we all watch on the television how a womans water breaks and that’s a sign of when you should prepare for labour. well that is not exactly wrong because if your water breaks, you SHOULD go to the hospital ASAP, but the thing is around 90% of women actually DO NOT have their water break before labour, and in very rare cases, the baby can even be born in the sac! My water did not break even though I was fully dilated and had to have my water broken manually by my nurse.

THE CONTRACTIONS
back to my contractions, it happened in the middle of the night, right about when I was about to go to sleep. me and my husband sleeps very very late and when the contractions first started, we were watching a movie and I suddenly felt the period cramps. but then again, the cramps could last for DAYS so I was told by my doula to just go about my day. I tried, but the contractions were like really painful periods and it lasted probably a few seconds every 20-30mins or so when it first started. you are only supposed to go to the hospital at 5-1-1, it means a contraction every 5mins lasting 1 minute every time and consistent for 1 hour. even though I felt “fine,” I wasn’t able to go into deep sleep because I’d wake up with each contraction. as it inches closer towards 5-1-1 (was around 7-1-1), I prepared myself to go to the hospital; packed my bags and headed over to an almost empty hospital because coincidentally there were nobody else giving birth for a few days when I was there!

BODY PREP
about two weeks before my due date, I was doing perineal massage, some stretches albeit not enough and pretty much eating spicy food everyday in hopes that my baby will pop soon since I was very large at that point. I didn’t measure myself the last two weeks since.. I was just not interested after a while but the last time I weighed myself I was 16kgs heavier. when I arrived at the hospital, because the contractions were getting more and more intense, I first learned to breathe – in through the nose, out through the mouth; it REALLY helped! my doula and nurse arrived to the hospital middle of the night around 30mins after I checked-in to my room (the obgyn is quite special in that you check into the room where you give birth and later rest with your baby until you are ready to discharge). I was very tired at that point since I hadn’t slept for over 24 hours at that point and I was only around 3(?)cm dialated, so I wasn’t ready and since everyone including my entire birth team were tired, they gave me a strong jab to sleep and I finally snoozed – woke up after 6 hours as the drug slowly fade but managed to sneak in another 2 hours of on and off sleep until the drug fully wore off. I noticed my birth team peeking and I knew it was time to prep my body. at that point, I thought I was going to give birth soon since the contractions were around 5-1-1, but surprise surprise, I was STILL not fully dialated (6cm)! so with the support of my husband, we did some exercises to further prep my body and in hopes that the baby will proceed further down my pelvic bone. it was one of the hardest exercises I have done in my life because not only was I in pain, I had to stretch WHEN the contractions kick in. I don’t remember when I became fully dialated, but when I was, (maybe tmi but having the nurse check on the dialation was pretty uncomfortable and borderline painful T_T) we hopped into the water bath in hopes that little bean would pop out there since they said that it helps with tearing. but.. after an hour of squating and kneeling, I was completely exhausted and had no more strength.

FINALLY
with my nurse’s judgement, she gave me another dose to knock me out so I can sleep for a bit to regain my energy to push. at that point, I had been exercising on and off for around 6 hours + my hips were starting to hurt a LOT with each contraction to the point it had me in tears and I was screaming. I really wasn’t supposed to scream and got told off by my nurse lol. but the second time getting the drug apparently wouldn’t work as great, so it only knocked me out for an hour. I remembered that even though I was very tired and pretty much asleep, each time a painful contraction kick in, I could feel and remember every one of them. I remembered my hips being in severe pain, and that one hour was definitely the most painful part of my birth – I can’t quite explain the pain but probably like having your hips pull out of its sockets + you feel like you are trying to push a painful big poop at the same time? I am not joking — nobody seems to talk about this enough, but a part of giving birth is EXACTLY the same as pooping – but think of the biggest poop in your life. after waking up, I went straight into pushing even though they prepared some food to help me regain energy. I guess it was because my muscles were already activated for pushing lol; I just remembered that I told them I feel like I am going to poop and they said GOOD!!! plus my nurse already broke my water before I went to sleep (its easier to birth your baby after the water breaks, but if it breaks before you go to the hospital, you need to go asap to prevent infection). however even though the nurse said she could see my baby’s hair, baby wasn’t coming out after quite a number of pushes. that’s when she made the best executive decision to put me on a birthing chair to use gravity to help my baby come down. and after I suppose three pushes? baby came out! you’re supposed to not push when babys partially out but the contractions made me and I could not control as much which ended up in a 2nd degree tear, which I suppose is common usually but not as common for this hospital I guess given the amount of massage/exercises they have their patients do.

BIRTH PAIN
the pain from the hip widening an hour before giving birth was the most painful for me definitely. in contrast to what I was most afraid of before giving birth, the coming out part wasn’t as bad; quite manageable actually. I didn’t get any epidural since by the time I wanted it, it was already too late because I was fully dialated. and I suppose with all that contraction pain, you could feel the tear but because it’s so sudden and short, it wasn’t as bad! I felt like maybe I didn’t need the epidural afterall somehow.. but maybe it would be great to not feel that severe pain from hip widening.. I opted for an injection to induce the “birth” of the placenta after 10-15mins? and that was like as if you got a huge poop out of you. even birthing the baby wasn’t as 시원해. the stitching proceeded immediately after and although I can’t say I didn’t feel it. but having your baby on your chest was the best distraction in the whole wide universe. it was super surprising when my belly was finally flat. because just in case you’ve never felt a pregnant womans belly, it’s quite firm. and the punctured tummy was flat and flabby, and it sort of hurt.

BREASTFEEDING
little did I know, you breastfeed as soon as your baby comes out. and I suppose the good thing about this hospital is because my baby is beside me the whole time, each time he’s hungry, he gets to eat. I was surprised how I was even able to produce any milk right away, but the lactation consultant educated us on how the body reacts to the hormones given by the baby and produces what the baby needs – like a tailor made milk factory; producing the specific immunity + amount the baby needs. I guess I was lucky in that I got my milk supply going pretty well as soon as I entered my confinement center, since my hospital had a good lactation consultant and my baby was almost 100% breastfed there. but the downside to it was that the jaundice took a long time to go away (months and still visible now aka baby looking tan), even after stopping breastfeeding for a week at the confinement center.

POST-PARTUM
I guess watching all those reels about the luxurious life of a post partum center had my hopes up for a nice “holiday,” but little did I know WHY it was so important. everyone has a different experience but I was extremely anaemic after birth and I wasn’t able to stand nor sit up for a long period; I was feeling very, very dizzy. and the pain down there from the stitching was.. not great at all. not to mention the amount of blood I was losing, it felt like I was constantly dripping blood – but of course, think about having a would the size of a watermelon inside you. I wasn’t able to walk properly for over 2 weeks and it has been 100 days after giving birth but it still hurt every now and then although it does feel way better and I don’t feel the pain most of the time. one thing NOBODY talks about is the first poop after birth. I wasn’t even able to sit properly, how was I suppose to do a number 2? I had to search through reddit for some real-sounding experiences and to be very straight forward, it was tough lol. imagine already not having strength + all that pain.. the stool softeners and the peri bottle was the most helpful. I think I used 5 liters of water on the peri bottle the first time. then there’s the stomach cramps which are similar to contractions – just when you thought its over, it’s not. also how the nips were not used to being latched on, it felt sore and after a while, it started to feel like sharp needles/a knife cutting through each time I showered. the pain here and there was so great that I remembered crying in the shower, wondering how I “pre-paid” but still ended up with “post-paid” pain. but after 2 months, the nips were feeling way more comfortable and most of the pain went away. I am so glad that I didn’t give up because as of today, I am exclusively breastfeeding little bean! it is said healthier for him (both immunity and for his gums) and no bottles to wash :D.

LITTLE BEAN <3
I get teary eyed easily and I always envisioned that I would burst out in tears, but oddly, I didn’t! he looked like a little doll when I first saw him and the entire moment was so surreal. having incubated him for 40 whole weeks and having him exactly on due date (only 3-4% of babies are born on due date!) was already a huge surprise, but to finally see him after wondering how he would look like was just both overwhelmingly magical. I was still trying to catch my breath from all that pain – still doing my breathing exercises the moment he came out and was put on my chest.. I just couldn’t believe that I birthed him; how was I capable of doing that? I kept thinking up till today on how such a big head came out from my birth canal. I guess that was what that hip pain was all about. I still remembered the first few days when he was breastfed, because he was so little despite being born quite a “big” baby at around 3.7kg, he looked like a doll and he was so so so cute T_T. and how he managed to latch in one go was also surprising. he opened his eyes for a split second when he was on my husbands chest but it remained closed mostly for the rest of my hospital stay. he has such big eyes, nose and lips was what his grandpa said when he first held him; looking back he looked a little like an alien but at that time he was like a little oddball angel that I can’t stop looking at. and fast forwarding to today.. he is growing to be more and more beautiful everyday, especially how he wakes up smiling every morning really melt my heart and make me forget how tired I am.

I am so glad I did confinement for 2 weeks, although I really felt that I needed at least a month.. because imagine all the pain + time you need to heal but dealing with a newborn that needs care every 2 hours. I wonder how people in other countries don’t do confinement at all sometimes, I even heard some colleagues go back to work the next day or day after giving birth which sounds crazy no matter how I think of it. but I guess everyones built different. if you made it this far, congratulations lol. it’s probably overly TMI but I just wanted to document it and thought it may be helpful for some mother to-bes! and that sums up my experience. :)!