does anybody reading this post ever felt how an outcast felt? made friends with them, treated them like a normal person or did you look down on them, bullied them, talked bad about them, treating them like they knew nothing at all.

I, admit that I was an outcast, a horrible one with my hair all sticking up like I just got some electric shot or something. Since I’m 5 till I’m 10-12. nobody really talked to me, they never really treated me as their good friend. I had no best friends. My so called ” best friends ” are friends who treated me just like a normal friend because I had barely any friends. The feeling of getting rejected by people around you *other than family* is really something that not everybody get to experience. I remember people took me like a dumb kid who knows nothing and who is so stupid because I’m in a B class and I’m still getting the last place. Sometimes, people even forget who I am because I was almost transparent. I was bullied by some mean students sometimes too. Being slow minded is really something bad.

I noticed I’m not that slow minded when I’m 11. and that is when I know that tuition is important to me. I couldn’t speak a word of english before I’m 8. I attended drama class and everybody there speaks english so fluently that it made me pick up my english quite fast. I was never good in malay, even until now, I’m not as good as the others, but at least I can understand most of the words and I could write and even speak some normal conversations without thinking for a few minutes. People often reject people who are usually bad in studies and those stupid looking ones. why? I just don’t get it sometimes. Is it just normal? I studied really hard when I’m 11 and just in a few months, from the last place I jumped to top 5. and was transferred to A class in standard 6. Although I’m the weakest in A class, but I felt a lot better because more people wanted to be friends with me. I suddenly felt that I was not that useless after all.

Even that I’m quite lazy to study and I cannot get better than most of my classmates but I’m really glad, just because I’m finally noticed. When I stepped into form 1, it is when I finally thought my life began. I don’t remember quite anything of my primary life but my 5 year old one. It just flashes in my mind at times when I think about it, and it just won’t go away. I tend to remember the scariest stuffs that had happened more than the happy ones, or maybe there isn’t any happy ones. Until now, I didn’t like to feel how I felt before this, all unwanted by the society. Even how hard I try to make people like me, I can’t make everybody like me. Because humans have negative points. I am just glad that I actually have readers reading my boring blog. And that I’m glad to have made so many good friends in my secondary life. I’m starting to love myself. =).

This entry was posted on Monday, November 5th, 2007 at 4:20 pm and is filed under More of me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.